Financial Abuse: Know the Signs and Seek Help

Of all forms of domestic abuse among couples and families, financial abuse is probably the most widespread and least recognised. In essence, it is one partner’s dominance or manipulation of the other through the control of the couple’s financial resources.

On his website “Family and Divorce Law in South Africa – A Complete Guide”, family law attorney Bertus Preller says financial abuse is “a form of manipulation where one person takes control over another person’s ability to acquire, use and maintain financial resources. It’s a tactic used by abusers to gain power and dominance in a relationship and can have severe emotional and practical consequences for the victim.”

Types of behaviour that characterise financial abuse include the abuser doing the following:

• Taking full control of the household finances, even the partner’s own assets.

• Restricting the partner’s access to bank accounts.

• Controlling and monitoring expenditure, checking on every cent spent.

• Preventing the partner from working or sabotaging their career opportunities.

• Appropriating the partner’s salary without their consent or using their credit card without permission.

• Fraudulently using the partner’s identity to secure credit.

• Racking up debts that the partner is unaware of.

• Deliberately avoiding working or contributing to household duties and expenses.

“​Victims often find it challenging to break free from such situations due to the financial dependency created by the abuser. However, recognising the signs is the first step towards seeking help,” Preller says.

​Khensani Nobanda, group executive of marketing and corporate affairs at Nedbank, says financial abuse is one of the most overlooked forms of harm, continuing to undermine the safety, dignity, and financial security of women across South Africa.

“Though often overshadowed by conversations about physical and emotional violence, financial abuse is one of the most common forms of control in unhealthy relationships and one of the least understood. Many women experience it long before they recognise it as abuse, and long before other forms of harm escalate,” she says.

Nobanda says the abuse can be subtle at first, often appearing in ways that feel like care, concern or responsibility, but over time it can strip women of their independence and their ability to make choices for themselves. “Abusive actions do not leave surface scars but go a level deeper, eroding confidence, creating dependency, and trapping women in relationships where leaving becomes financially impossible,” she says.

“Financial abuse rarely starts loudly. It begins with small, consistent red flags. Some of these money warnings include a sudden interest in how you spend every cent and demand for proof of transactions or receipts or the insistence that financial independence is unnecessary in the relationship,” Nobanda says.

She says that recognising the signs early is one of the most important steps in preventing further harm.

For women who spot these warning signs, access to help is crucial. Two NGOs at the forefront of the battle against domestic abuse to which they can turn are:

• People Opposing Women Abuse (POWA): Offers shelter, free counselling, legal services, and skills development opportunities.

• TEARS Foundation: Provides access to free crisis intervention, advocacy, and a network of medical, legal, and psychological services.

It is also important for abused women to know that the law is on their side: financial abuse is a recognised form of domestic violence under the South African Domestic Violence Act. A woman can apply for a protection order at a Magistrate’s Court, which can include specific financial directives to prevent the abuser from withholding money for essentials such as food, or controlling her finances.

Practical steps that women can take to regain control over their finances include:

• Opening a separate bank account.

• Tracking spending using budgeting apps to understand their financial situation.

• Improving their financial literacy.

• Building a support system by connecting with friends, family, or support groups.